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[to truly appreciate this letter you have to listen to this song while reading it]
Hey you,
I wish I knew more about you. I wish I knew how your mind works, and why you feel the way you do. I wish I knew why you hide away and don’t want me to look at you. Don’t want me touch you… love you.
You’re living in the past baby, holding on to things that are long since gone, afraid to let them go because of what it might mean. You’ve got so much anger inside of you. It surprises me how such a tiny person could have that much hate inside of them. It scares me, to be honest. You used to smile… and laugh. You used to care. You had such a big heart and you could handle anything. You used to know how to trust, dream, hope… love. What happened to you?
I know you were treated unfairly. You were made to feel like you didn’t matter, like you were useless and unneeded. You feel like you’re a stain on the face of this planet… and like you’re never going to be good enough.
You see yourself in the mirror and you’re not sure who it is. Sometimes,you know, but other times… you search for hours and can’t come up with an answer. You try so hard to prove that what you feel isn’t true. That you’re heart isn’t empty and that you’re still worth something, but every time you start to feel confident you fall back down and scrape your knees; no one there to bandage them.
You’re so full of anger little girl. You’re so full of hurt. Sometimes you feel like you’re going to explode. Other times you don’t feel anything. You just want to hide away. You just want the world to feel what you feel. To see it. To understand you when you don’t even understand yourself. You don’t want to hate… you don’t want to destroy things. You despise the overwhelming anger you feel, and it hurts your little body. You just wish you could love… but you don’t know how. You try to comprehend it, but it’s just out of your reach, always teasing and pushing you away. It hurts baby, I know it does.
But it doesn’t always have to hurt. You don’t have to be mad all the time. You can trust people; everyone’s not out to get you. Everyone’s not going to leave you… and even if they do, I promise you that I will never ever abandon you. I’ll be right here with you no matter what. I want to help you through this. I want to take your hand and lead you to the other side.
You are not alone. I’ve been here this whole time, right there with you. I see what you see, I feel what you feel. I want to take your hand and pull you out of your corner. I want to show you what you’ve been missing. All the happiness you’ve missed. All the bright colors you seem to have washed out. I want to show you what it means to laugh again and I want to see you smile without any regrets. I want you to see how much you’re worth.
Don’t push me away. I want to know everything. What’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite smell? What makes you happy, sad, and angry? You can tell me. I promise I won’t tell you to be quiet. We can stay up all night talking, and I’ll show you what it feels like to be held when you cry. I’ll show you that you don’t have to be strong all the time. You’re a human being baby doll, you can have feelings too, it’s okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, and if they do I’ll beat them up. You don’t have to be scared anymore. I’m right here with you.
We need each other love. We need each other to be whole. We need each other to love. To laugh. To be happy. I have a whole right in my heart where you should be, and it’s waiting to be filled.
Rest your head on my shoulder, I’ll take care of everything from here. I love you. I love you so much, and I want you to know that. You’ve been such a tough little girl; tougher than most little girls have to be, and for that you’ve become so strong. I wish you could see how brave you are. How insanely amazing you are for staying even remotely intact after all you’ve been through.
You’re intelligent. You’re beautiful. You can light up an entire room with your smile. You’re wonderful. I wish you could see that. I wish I could tell you that. I wish you would listen. You deserve to love. You deserve to be loved. You deserve so much that’s been taken from you. Please stop crying… and smile again. You don’t have to hide anymore.
I know you want to hate the people who did this to you. The person who ignored you and made you feel worthless, but please don’t. She doesn’t know how to love you like you should be. It’s not her fault that she was made this way. You should forgive her. She loves you in her own way, and maybe someday she’ll get better. Please don’t hold on to this anymore. Everyone’s waiting to see you smile.
Take the stage my beautiful angel. It’s your time to shine. I’ll be in the front row, cheering at the top of my lungs, because you deserve it.
You’re more amazing then you could have imagined.
I love you darling. I love you more than you will ever know.
Now come out and shine.
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